see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
