I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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