I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
