my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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