he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize