And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
