I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
