so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
