I think my fart just growled at me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
