Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
