Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
