Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had to cum in my sink.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
