I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
