omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
two words...techno handjob
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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