we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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