I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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