Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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