Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize