i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
