Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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