No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
