There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
