Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
