Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
