Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
