You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
