Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
