Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
