He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
