anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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