i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That accounts for only three of the penises
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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