omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
