i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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