i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
