Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
