these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
