dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
