It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
