I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
