Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
