my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
