Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
