dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
