google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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