Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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