just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
