mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
