i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
