Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
