hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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