so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize