i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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