Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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