Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
