He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
