So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
