Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
