I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
