talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
