and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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