Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
