I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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