Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
