"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
