Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize