My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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