so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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