yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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