Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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