pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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