when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
