my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
