You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
