I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
