found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
