yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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