youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize