it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
